this week is relatively less work.
but it is still....tiring.
ITAB was being a bitch, and i cant help it but feeling complicated and pissed.
so was everyone, i believe.

i think i started to bitch about some classmate(s) quite alot nowadays.
its juz....human nature?
and even worse,i dun feel the guilt.
it doesnt feel bad...juz.... felt lyk biatching...

im turning bad.=]

went to intro kaiyuan some anime, den went to her blog, read some stuffs and came across this blogpost about relationship issues.
the points stated is exactly how i felt, and thus, i would lyk FRIENDS with relationships to see it.

i hope it doesnt make me look as if im jealous.
because im not.=]
seriously, i can tell you 101 advantages of being single.
and since ppl tends to go head-over-heels while in love
they should be aware of some feelings around them.

relationships are not meant to ignore reality.

and good news is: IM GETTING OVER MY GAZETTE FETISH!
seems so. its getting shorter and shorter to persist in a fandom.
but im still listening to their screams.haha.

watched emily rose this mon, and after dat, i felt totally down.
i dunno y. i guess im juz creeeped out.
hmmm.

im always falling asleep on my desk at home.
after bath, while i sat infront of the computer, i dazed, and i dozed.
and wake up 2 hrs later, cursing myself for falling asleep so fucking easily.
coffee? 95% useless.
im not even sure if i should continue drinking it anymore.

HAIZ.
1 more week.
one more week and i can break free from all this.
one more week, and i will hav no work and no sch.
what am i gonna do?
FINAL YEAR EXAMS.

i gotta convince myself to get geared up.
hmm. soon.
im suffering from constant headaches and i dunno why.
heaty?
poor zhibai is sick.
recover soon babe!

ytd during crs, we discussed bout globalisation, finance status and living.
as much as i can remember, i felt really enthu bout it, and i think i gave most comments ytd in e history of my history class.
and me and kaiyuan were lyk forming a small grp representing the...middle-low income grp? LMAO.
ytd i came to realise that education affects hw ur life gonna be.
the income gap is widening because the education levels and requirements are getting higher. this is wat i believed.
and wat if my certificate are not being in demand and sought after anymore?
i will juz rot in this country.

and im not sure if i've made the right choice.
i kept thinking, i could hav been better, BUT.
i dun really like JC. especially seeing ppl dropping out from JCs oready.
it juz felt lyk a major waste of time.

and i really, REALLY hate watching those reality shows.
wats e point of watching when u cannt help them?
u gave them pity, and u bring contentment to urself coz u are better off.
o-0
say im cold blooded or running away from it.
it juz seems irrelevant. and juz...silly, to watch them offering helps, faking smiles and gratitudes juz because they are on TV, faking as if the world is beautiful.

fcking shits.

its only convincing dat those Tv programs have effectively helped them if i can see hw they behave behind the cameras.
i had goosebumps all e way throughout the show and i felt blessed for wearing a long sleeve ytd.

im not saying i shouldnt help.
is i couldnt help.
SHOULDNT AND COULDNT meant a great difference.
i guess CRS has activated my arguementative nature
the exact same feeling i harbour when writing chinese arguementative essays.
erm, hold on. im lost.

(lets just abandon the above topic...=[ )

and and and i saw gazette writing CHINESE CHARACTERS!!!!
isnt dat juz awesome?!
for a moment i kept thinking they are chinese.
oh yabe. take e look at their chinese words below!
i wonder if they have learnt it sumhow.....

(after e 5th time backspacing) quite seldom will i type a positive post here.

haha.im feeling particularly calm tonight.
in my dark little rrom wif e radio.
i love e way my laptop illuminates the room within its radius.haha~

i've always enjoyed walking thru e quite park at night from my friend's hse.(very old friend actually XD)
makes me chill and think bout stuffs properly.
i juz lyk walking on e streets at night luh. and i lyk sitting in a car driving along even more!

.... .....

along e way home
i saw my primary sch.
the feeling was...weird.
for e past 4 yrs in sec sch.
whever i walked by, will be lyk...wa....i finally graduated from this sch...
now i walk by, im lykeven sec sch finished.....and my childhood just flashed.
all those innocent memories.LOL.
my life was reeealy simple.simple until i wondered hw i survived without internet back then.
and i thought about hw im living now.
i;ve changed so much back then.
so much dat i dunno where to start.
LOL.

well, dats for me to noe and u to wonder. =D

last tue i was looking thru my blog archive coz shyna wanna see my old pic.
i jitao from 2006 browse to 2009.
and yea, i spent bout 80% of my ITAb lesson on dat.
ZZZZZ

nostalgic, dat is. random, childish, embarrasing memories during immaturity.
not dat i very mature now lah. but. more thoughtful i guess?
saw alot of ppl, alot of sch. alot of OLD FRIENDS.

people pls dun start digging on my archive.>_<

anyway, i thought i should live more calmly.
LOL.instead of getting too INTO the mood,
i should live as a 3rd party, mayb, be a more "watch and think b4 i do" type of person.
so dat my mood wundnt fluctuate too much because all dat jus ends me up in a stupid misery which only i myself knows.

hmm.i will try to change my attitude in life , and WATCH more.LOL.

dats for 2dae....and mayb even this week.
so many things cramming up my schedule!

and dat awful headache isnt going away.

after a 2hr sleep
sadly, im still tired.

its a torture to force myself out of bed everyday.
and im always screaming: why cant i juz die.
well, a small percentage in my mind has really been thinking.
juz...give up everything and u noe. STOP everything.
so sick of my life.
BUT i don think i will do IT anytime yet.ahaha.

ITS JUZ A SMALL PERCENTAGE ANYWAY.

sch. tons and tons of projects.
just when u tot u finally cleared one, another one is coming.
WTF. do they even noe dat ppl will get tired?
and im oready fucking pissed wif e poly calender.
WHY E SCHOOL PLANS EXAMS TGT WIF CHINESE NEW YEAR?!
TOALLY FUCKING.

im totally tired out and im totally reluctant to start a new project.
and i hav to start my ITAB nxt mon, tgt with CRS.

just bring me away..

i dun get sum ppl. really.
they are really on e more fortunate side, with enough $$ to spend, no need to slog wif work lyk shit, juz spend time in sch and home, free to surf e net till shuang shuang.
yet they still can complain until lyk wat.
den wat about me!?
me and serene talked bout this.
and seriously e more i tink, e more irritated i get.
couldnt really understand them.
because! because!

ya im jealous why they can lead such comfortable lives.
zzzzz
im irrtated at hw nonchalant they can be when it comes to such stuffs.
LIFE IS SO SUCKING.

and all those stupid little aunties fighting to be 1st everyday.
1st to get on train, 1st to buy food, 1st to go bus.1st 1st 1st.
whats so fucking sad is they totally lost their courtesy.
cutting queues,jamming their way into ur line lyk an irritating fly.
WTF is so wrong wif getting onto those damn vehicles a second ltr?!
WTF luh seriously.
they not tired i also tired sia.
i juz diao them and rolled my eyes at them.
and they shld be thinking: which rude brat is this.

my mind nowadays hav almost nothing but rants and work and gazette.
ppl are always so complicated, and so fugly.
ya. im fugly too. why? because im a human too! zzzz
stupid attitudes, totally senseless reasonings.

and wats wif customers throwing money on my counter as if im a begger.
SERIOUSLY I THINK THIS IS DISCRIMINATION.
wtf.
im there to serve. not to tolerate stupid attitudes.(well, if they pay me more i might jus overlook things...= =)
quit being random people, even throwing the plate of fucking bread on e counter, den throw fucking $$ on e counter, as if the whole world did them wrong.
they think their $3 gives them authority, and allow them to act cocky.
they are so fucking wrong.
its seriously so disgusting to see this always coming from the locals.
AND YES, AUNTIES AGAIN.
but not from the foreigners.
so this shows dat s'pore's culture, other den being, kiasu,kiasi,kiasai, there's nothing better?
whats wif all the basic manners people.

i dun fucking owe them anything at all, neither hav i done sumtink wrong to them.
it jus makes me feel so frustrated to keep seeing this kind of fugly attitudes in my life recurring.
obviously their mind is lacking. sumwhere, sumhow.

sum may start to keep rushing coz they claim to be late for ships, late for bus, late for work.
den them shld hav bought e things earlier themselves!
its their own responsibility! not ours!
if they cant keep track of time, they should get themself an organiser, not rant on us, saying we are SLOW when obviously there's so many customers other then them,them and them!

well, there are nice customers who will chat wif u too.
and some are so cute! i mean their actions.
and sum made my day! =D

so why not make every1's life easier by being polite?
it brings simple happiness without having you to pay a cent! right?

and is it e older we gets, e more impatient and mannrs-lacking we gets?
those irritating people are usually the adults.
the supposedly well educated, polite contributing bunch in e society.

rounding back, i get nothing back for ranting here.
i noe this wun bring improvement to those attitudes.
its just for self-relief.

seen so many ugly stuffs, many of which are not worth mentioning here.
hais. its just a gloomy society.

and a gloomy life.

anyway, completed FOM project today! lyk finally.
omg. this project drains alot of energy and made me lost track of my time.
and DBA13 went formal today! YAY!


just some random moments during ITAB.




u think this looks idiotic?
i think so too.

ok...i noe e word tired has been repeating eveywhere in my life.
but its true.
i just felt. really tired.

i dunno why, i mean..although i only get 4 hrs of sleep today.
but for other days where i hav more hrs of sleep i too felt the exhaustion tolling on me.
im crazily dozing off in MRT when im leaning against the plastic frame.
i swear i almost topple off when i open my eyes.

i saw e guy opposite of me staring at me with a puzzled look.

i muz hav embarrased myself. T_T

im totally....haiz. i dunno wat to say anymore.

other den all the moans and groans and reluctance to live thru the week, i hav no other thoughts.

2 more weeks and i'm preparing to chiong for my yr end exams.
4 more days to FOM persentation.
and 1 week's homework to complete!!!
oh god.

seriously im starting to regret no doing my homework in advance.
zzzzz.

i think my mental health deteriorates at a faster rate den my body.

ROCK SONGS ARE MY PERFECT LULLABY.

2dae sumhow have to mood for dressing up because for e WHOLE WEEK!im lyk total CUI.
hehes. so lyk finally put on fake lashes..YAY~!

and lucky things come by!!!!!
I SAW MY CHECKERED SHUAI GE!!!
HEHEHEHEHEH!=D
fyi, he 's a random guy (frm my blk i think) who lyk to wear checkered shirt ALOT.
e last time i saw him he was too in checkered shirt, juz diff. colour.HEHE!
dand he looked so fuckin good in it. AWWWW!
its jus too bad dat today was pouring heavily wif lots of wind.
stupid wind blown my contacts dry and i cant really STARE at him as much as i wanted to... =X and and im constantly worried dat my skirt will Beo ki lai.
so hav to look at myself more den him! >_< >(i juz found out he was from a nearby poly... =3)

ahem!
and today's FOM tutorial went by without glitch.
WHEW.>_<
zhibai say she look so cute and nice today. =3



omfg. this is crazy. this smile is TOTALLY FREAKY.


HAHAHHAHA! benny pls practise self conctrl in public. XD

after all this,
we left.
WE PON CLASS!!!!! (yet again....>_<) me and zhibai find lots of excuses to comfort ourselves when we are walking out of the sch. gahhaah.=X
den saw layfang @ MRT.

ME:orh hor! u pon class!
SOLF:no la! i got 3 hr break! hw u noe i pon class?
ME:BECAUSE I PON CLASS!!! =D

= = den we went to bugis. and sit dwn and believe it? we ate KFC. omg. what happened to our diet plan? it's RIP le i guess.>_< >_<

_edited- den we walk around bugis street. no money, bugis street= torture.
so we left soon, zhibai hav to go work. HAIZ
.den sibei suay, my concession expired le.
and i used up my credit in e card,and cannt board MRT
. damn shit.so hav to lyk go take bus which will only reach woodlands in 1 and 1/2 hr. wa lao. den sleep on bus lor. den e bangala infront of me keep dropping his book which he slept against the window sill . and sumhow his book juz keep dropping and ends up under my seat. so i hav to keep picking up his book for him. after the 3 time, i gave him a hard glare. finally he gave up sleeping on dat damn book and juz doze off casually. seriously! den reach woodland my card let $0.49. WTF i cant even take one bus home wif this. >_<

and u are askin me WTF is this?
hmmm... at 1st i tot this is sum shit.
ITS NOT.
this is a CRUSHED SNAIL WHO HAD DIED IN A HORRIBLE WAY.
i juz had to take this picture because its soooo GROSS!omg.
and i almost stepped on it.

can u see the greenish rotting flesh?

and and and!!!!!
main haihglight of e post today.
I ❤ CHECKERED MY HP!!!
I ❤ CHECKERED MY HP!!!
I ❤ CHECKERED MY HP!!!
I SPENT lyk 90 mins doing it and ehehhe. i like it!


back-view.


front view wif uruha sama's sexy face. XD


ok im sorry for letting u see this ehehe.=X

and he totally look lyk a sister to me in this pic.


KAI san sugoku kaiwai!
LOLS! he laughs lyk a baby!


zhibai if u see this, and manage to copy this smile on ur face,
i might juz consider to say u r cute dat day!

=X
i always feel not enough sleep.
although i pon class, sleep longer, get late.
i juz keep havin a feeling dat i've stupidly sacrificed my lesson time for sum useless activity!
and i haven even played maple yet!

seriously wtf am i doing.

why i cannt juz spend my time meaningfully, juz lyk last time!
im always distracted in doing sumtink else totally irrelevant , aka SLACK LOR.

ok..im starting to get more guilty from skipping lessons now.
mayb, i will juz force myself more to be a responsible student nxt week.

HAIZ. will be spending my weekends at work again.

i hav neglected this blog.
and since miss shyna urged me to update so dat she can tag, i shall do it.
SHYNA YO! TAG!

it is Jan and im into the visual k craze for almost 1 mth.
HAHA!
i figured e reason why i cannt appreciate those rock music last time but can now.
its because the me back then was more ignorant.i dont think anything much except my studies.im still a simplistic creature, and my mind has low tolerance..so i cannt accept rock?

but now...i think my mind is a constant swirl-pool of random , and sumtimes even fugly thoughts...
the aggressive mixture of electic guitar riffs and banging drums actually chilled me down. and
haha.

i tink im mad. for being so into J rock.
other den the Gazette, i hav also downloaded ALSDEAD, ALICE NINE AND 21020.

MY computer IS NOW TOPPED WITH AROUND 2GB OF J ROCK.
fuck. dats even more hardcore den my maplestory can!?





__________________________________
nowadays i keep pon sch.
im juz simply too tired to wake up in time...
i felt dat my brain cells are aging and dying at a rapid rate if i continue to force myself at this rate.
this is the worse thing yet.

u know, since im lyk late and tired these days
i felt as if im sleepwalking whether is it on my way to work or to sch.
i dunno hw i got there when i got there,...and i tink my facial expression is that of BLANK and exhaustion, tinted wif irritation and unfriendliness.
its only when im in class for at least 15 mins when i start to get warmed up and hyper myself.....
before that, dun expect me to hav anything coz seriously im in a state of stupid DAZE.

JUST ABOUT BLANK.
im even dozing off during the typing of this post.

im going thru a wreck.

+++++++++++++++++++++
and i hav 100 for my maths quiz today!
YAY!
although i learnt it b4...


oh ya. and thanks mama for buying me a LANCOME PARIS frangrance!
i love it.
and also bought me masks and sum flowery boxers.
er...thanks ar..LOL.
although i dunno why flowery boxers though.haha.

and juz sum old photos from CIP...
anyway....






IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!!
IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!!
IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!!
IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!
IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!
IM FREAKING TIRED EVERYDAY!!!!


T___T
actually i've dozed off 15 mins untill here.
pls forgive me. >_<